Week two is done. Classes are getting progressively harder, obviously. The whole point is to build strength and burn calories so it makes sense, but it's still a little surprising, like not being able to breath most of the class, or feeling like your arms will never work the right way again. I had to take a few more breaks which is frustrating, but the point is to build strength, I wouldn't be in the class if I already was the strongest person ever.
As the class goes on insecurities start to come to the surface a bit. I'm not fast, running is difficult, I'm always the last one at everything. It's fine, no one else seems to care, but I do. I start getting very comparative and that's not good. I never win in that situation. It just creates a lot of self doubt and negative thoughts that I don't have any time for. We're all there to better ourselves so who really cares if I'm 10 seconds slower?
This week I've found the hardest part of Body Back is actually getting to class. There's so much on the plate of a mom that at the end or beginning of the day it just seems like too much to get there. Plus my husband was suffering from a man cold ::insert eye roll:: and while he would never say please don't go, I could see the pleading in his eyes as I left him alone with 3 demanding children. I felt guilty the whole time. And my daughter begs me to skip every time and I feel guilt. There's laundry and dishes to be done and I feel guilt. I could go on and on, but you get it. Mom guilt is the real deal and when I'm doing something for me, it's even worse. Even though I know that I need to make time for myself, and this makes me a better wife and mom, and I should never have to apologize for doing something good for my health it still feels like a luxury and I should be home.
This transformation is not just a physical one, it's also emotional and mental. It's about focusing on me, on us as moms for one hour and letting go of the guilt and demands that are on us 24/7. At the end of the class we meditate for a few minutes. Best few minutes of the class, mostly because we're laying down, but also because it's a few moments to tell yourself you did good, you showed up and you worked hard, everyone and everything at home survived and you will too.
Food went better this week. Trying to make little changes that make a big difference. Some of my favorites were a tuna melt. The leftover tuna I ate the next day in a bell pepper. So good and skipping the bread is always a good choice. Eggs, lots of eggs, hard boiled and deviled made with greek yogurt. Chicken sausage with sweet potato and apples, all cut to the same size and sauteed, really good and easy. Leftovers are delicious the next day with a fried egg. Snacks were lots of veggies, carrots, bell peppers, string cheese, and apple with peanut butter.
You've got this mamma's, we all do.